Giant Waterbug

2014-05-08 06.47.16Big bugs around here. It is actually a giant waterbug. I live about one mile from a lake so interesting creatures appear at times.


Winter Summerland

HQ-Winter-Fun-Images_3096035There is no time left of summer. The winter has overflowed into spring here and now is on its path to take over summer. The Maine winter has been horrible or great to whoever you talk to. The skiers and snowmobilers are so excited that skiing will be in place July 4th this summer. The lodge at Sugarloaf is hosting an Olympic  Championship ski race July 21st this year.  Snowmobile shops have their doors open and sleds all the way from Lewiston to Carthage are selling out fast. The kids are excited this summer because it is the first time ever that they can ice fish with their dads in August instead of going to double practices for football in the blazing sun. The cheerleaders are excited this summer too, they don’t have to wear those mini skirts when doing summersaults for the August 29th championships in Sanford Maine. This summer they will be wearing snowmobile suits with helmet’s and driving snowmobile’s to practice. The schools around here have closed most of their doors and they refuse to pay for heat this summer. The Area Youth Sports Group here cannot afford the cost of heating the building’s this summer. I have seen a lot of changes around here. Usually this time of year we are swatting blackflies and mosquito’s but this year we are dwelling on the fact that winter will go into winter and we will not get a chance to eat our own garden cucumbers. The only thing leftover from last years garden is the parsnips and carrots. I’m just not sure I will be able to pull them out of the frozen ground. I tried tying fishing line around one carrot and hooking it to my four wheeler but the line keeps snapping and hitting me in the frozen butt.

The scientist have been studying all the effects from the earth shifting in place by .0002365 degree’s and are not sure if we are going to end up like Noah’s Ark in the future.  I hear that Sunny Florida is now the coldest place on earth at the moment. It is very strange that Mt. Washington is the tropics now , Canadians are shinning up their speedo’s in preparation to let it all hang out.

Firestone Tire company had to order one-hundred more sets of winter tires. The people just in my region alone have worn out their treads, most are now putting studs on their tires too. I went for a walk the other day and kept finding all these metal pellets. For the sake of god I couldn’t figure out what these metal pellets were. I finally figured it out, the studs from tires. I’m going to complain to the local authorities of this town and give them a mouthful for what it is worth.

The kids around here or especially the boys have all but giving up on their Tonka Trucks and Hot-Wheels. With no chance to hang outside and play, they have giving up on the most recognized toys of American. GI Joe is still a big seller around here and Barbi has lost her appeal. You know Barbi is Fifty Years Old with a pot gut? Time has not been on her side.

Winter year round is going to drive most of us people around here to drink. I know this for a fact because I saw two old church ladies drinking a PBR at the local Convent. One of them opened the door outside and asked the other one if she wanted a cold one. Maybe they were not drinking and they were just letting fluffy the cat in. I don’t know and really don’t care.

The local plow companies around here are out of sand again for the hundreth time this year. Oh, Smitty? Can you drive down to the Wayne desert and dig up some more of that historic sand? The town roads are in horrible shape and the studs on the tires have been digging up the roads. Winter cannot go on like this! There has to be a break. I have an idea. If everyone on the East Coast goes over to the West Coast that maybe the earth will flop back into position. Come on engineer’s! You can dock a space ship going 26,000 miles a minute cant you? We American’s are smart folks and sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns. You don’t need a doctorate degree to figure stuff out around here, just a little common smarts.

Stay warm folks, I have but all used up my allotted wood for the season. I thought I would be clam digging by now.©Bilodeau,D.H. 2014

A Billion Years Ago

imagesA billion years ago I was walking down to the river to get some water. I had walked for many days through the forest. The insects had been biting me all the way and I stepped on a black snake. I think that it bit me on the foot. I found some ginger root and rubbed it on the bite location. The ancient elders had told me that ginger would draw out the poison from the serpent.

I first came to the waters edge and put my sore foot into the water to cool the pain that I’d been having since the bite. I looked out to the other side of the river and out of the corner of my eye I saw a  pack of wild dogs. One of the dogs looked at me and growled, then all of the other dogs looked up at me. The one dog from the back of the pack started swimming across the river, I could see another one downstream doing the same. I could tell that they were trying to surround me, I would become their meal. I had to advise a plan and real fast as to how I would protect myself. I looked to my right and I could see a large club lying on the ground. I picked up this weapon for defense purposes incase these dogs surrounded me. Looking out to the woods, I could see a large tree and I though that if I scurried a little fast that I might get to the tree and climb up. I turned on my bad foot and made a quick trip, hobbling as I went.

I stood in the crotch of the tree limb for a long time and the wild dogs at the bottom of the tree. They were showing their teeth,  drool was dripping from their mouths. I was going to be their meal if I stepped down from this tree. Finally after the sun went down that the dogs started to disperse. I was getting very hungry and tired. I went back to the waters edge and drank some water and cooled my foot, which was still aching. I crossed the river in search of food. I was walking for quite some time when I could smell an awful odor. I looked up ahead and could see an animal lying on the side of the path. It looked like this might have been left over from the wild dogs. The meat was still pink so I grabbed my stick and poked at it to get some chunks of meat apart. I ate for awhile and then I heard an awful screeching sound. I jumped to my feet real fast and hid behind a bush to try and get a visual of what was coming . Tromp, Tromp, Tromp, I could hear in the forest. Screeeeeeeeech! It brought chills to my spine and all the way down to my toes. I looked up, there before me was a giant bear like creature with large fangs. The paws on the animal were the size of my head and it didn’t look very friendly. I could tell that it had my scent and the only way to get rid of this creature was to start throwing some of the meat that I had gathered from beforehand. This seemed to be working, I kept throwing out pieces of meat, as far as I could throw. My arm was starting to hurt from all the tossing, what the heck is this soft thing lying across my face, why am I laying down on a soft square object, where is my club? What is that beeping sound?

©Bilodeau,D.H. 2014

Gleaming Pussy Willows and Cattails

imagesWhen we were kids we would take the Cattails and hit each other with them until it all fell apart. Another thing we would do is soak the Cattail in gasoline and use it as a torch at night. They would burn for quite a long time and put off some good light for us night dwellers. Another one I always enjoyed was Pussy Willows. The soft gray and fluffy bud on a branch. Not much to do with these but rub them on your cheeks and feel the softness. They also look very good in a vase on the fireplace mantle. untitled

The funny things we played with when young children. The kids in the neighborhood would venture into the cow pastures and woods in our region and try to find anything to pass the day. We would knock old rotten trees down just to see them crash to the ground. Sometimes we had to run like heck because a beehive was inside. We would also go to the local brook and either fish for trout or just tip over rocks to find a crawdad or a newt. We would also build teepee’s in the woods with pine bowels. So many things we would find in the great outdoors. We learned about nature in our own way and loved every minute of it.untitled

Interesting that today I hardly venture into the woods because ticks have infested our region. You cannot even go in the woods unless you check yourself after by stripping down and having someone inspect every inch of your body. Sometimes this is not a bad thing. A lot of single people have Lyme’s illness because no one could check them. untitled

I cannot wait til spring so I can go to the flower shop and get me some cattails and pussy willows. This ole boy is not going in the woods this time. Enjoy the day, I will.

©2014 Bilodeau,H.D.