Life’s Edge With Her

life edge

I held her hand to life’s edge. She was hanging on for every bit of strength she had. It had been a long night with the two of us crying and worrying about the next chapter. I was worried that I couldn’t live without her. She was crying that she wouldn’t make it another breath and be able to spend another day with me. The light was getting dimmer and the memories were getting distorted by the constant weeping within. Her breathing was becoming labored, knives penetrating through my heart. Was God going to be there for her in the last moments or would I have to guide her through the journey and hand over my love.

I had not been versed into the path of delivering my spouse. It cannot be me, I, who am a laborer, not trained in the delivery of one’s life. Please God, do not let me fail. I am your son but have not the strength myself to be a conductor of life. I will not fail my spouse. I weep again, she tugs my hand, oh no is this the time? A song is playing  my ears, Is there a god out there? Please don’t let me go, I am your brother, brother, brother………

When will this pain stop, we cannot hold on anymore, either of us will destruct, with our minds being put through this test of time. I keep thinking that my spouse is going to a better place, I feel a tear coming down my face, I wipe it with  the back of my hand, all I see is red.

I hear a gasp , I look down at my beautiful spouse and she has disappeared from life as we know it. It is quiet and I am scared, where do I go from here, I’m alone. I look out the window, the sun is bright, a new path has been chosen for me. I turn around and stop, looking at her bedside I see God with her in his arms. He looks at me and with a slow wave of his arm, he waves at me and nods. It is time for me to leave, I walk out the door to a new beginning.

©Bilodeau,D.H. 2014

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