Winter Summerland

HQ-Winter-Fun-Images_3096035There is no time left of summer. The winter has overflowed into spring here and now is on its path to take over summer. The Maine winter has been horrible or great to whoever you talk to. The skiers and snowmobilers are so excited that skiing will be in place July 4th this summer. The lodge at Sugarloaf is hosting an Olympic  Championship ski race July 21st this year.  Snowmobile shops have their doors open and sleds all the way from Lewiston to Carthage are selling out fast. The kids are excited this summer because it is the first time ever that they can ice fish with their dads in August instead of going to double practices for football in the blazing sun. The cheerleaders are excited this summer too, they don’t have to wear those mini skirts when doing summersaults for the August 29th championships in Sanford Maine. This summer they will be wearing snowmobile suits with helmet’s and driving snowmobile’s to practice. The schools around here have closed most of their doors and they refuse to pay for heat this summer. The Area Youth Sports Group here cannot afford the cost of heating the building’s this summer. I have seen a lot of changes around here. Usually this time of year we are swatting blackflies and mosquito’s but this year we are dwelling on the fact that winter will go into winter and we will not get a chance to eat our own garden cucumbers. The only thing leftover from last years garden is the parsnips and carrots. I’m just not sure I will be able to pull them out of the frozen ground. I tried tying fishing line around one carrot and hooking it to my four wheeler but the line keeps snapping and hitting me in the frozen butt.

The scientist have been studying all the effects from the earth shifting in place by .0002365 degree’s and are not sure if we are going to end up like Noah’s Ark in the future.  I hear that Sunny Florida is now the coldest place on earth at the moment. It is very strange that Mt. Washington is the tropics now , Canadians are shinning up their speedo’s in preparation to let it all hang out.

Firestone Tire company had to order one-hundred more sets of winter tires. The people just in my region alone have worn out their treads, most are now putting studs on their tires too. I went for a walk the other day and kept finding all these metal pellets. For the sake of god I couldn’t figure out what these metal pellets were. I finally figured it out, the studs from tires. I’m going to complain to the local authorities of this town and give them a mouthful for what it is worth.

The kids around here or especially the boys have all but giving up on their Tonka Trucks and Hot-Wheels. With no chance to hang outside and play, they have giving up on the most recognized toys of American. GI Joe is still a big seller around here and Barbi has lost her appeal. You know Barbi is Fifty Years Old with a pot gut? Time has not been on her side.

Winter year round is going to drive most of us people around here to drink. I know this for a fact because I saw two old church ladies drinking a PBR at the local Convent. One of them opened the door outside and asked the other one if she wanted a cold one. Maybe they were not drinking and they were just letting fluffy the cat in. I don’t know and really don’t care.

The local plow companies around here are out of sand again for the hundreth time this year. Oh, Smitty? Can you drive down to the Wayne desert and dig up some more of that historic sand? The town roads are in horrible shape and the studs on the tires have been digging up the roads. Winter cannot go on like this! There has to be a break. I have an idea. If everyone on the East Coast goes over to the West Coast that maybe the earth will flop back into position. Come on engineer’s! You can dock a space ship going 26,000 miles a minute cant you? We American’s are smart folks and sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns. You don’t need a doctorate degree to figure stuff out around here, just a little common smarts.

Stay warm folks, I have but all used up my allotted wood for the season. I thought I would be clam digging by now.©Bilodeau,D.H. 2014

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